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By websitebuilder 28 Mar, 2023
It’s hard to believe that 2021 is here but, boy howdy, it is! If you’re like most people, you’ve made some promises to yourself about things you’re going to better in this brand-new year. And if you’re like many, those ‘firm resolutions’ have already been consigned to the graveyard of good intentions. As a hypnotherapist, I help lots of people make positive changes in their lives. I have an extra edge over more traditional counselors in that hypnosis allows me to hit the problems at their source: the subconscious mind. Think for a moment about something you would really like to accomplish or change this new year. Perhaps you want to lose weight, stop smoking, drink less, or be a better parent. So you make a resolution to do that important task. Three outcomes are most likely. 1. You never start. 2. You start but give up. 3. You accomplish your goal. The first two alternatives offer few advantages. They don’t require much energy and allow you the time to do something unproductive but leave you unsatisfied and unhappy with yourself. They also hurt your confidence: the belief that you can do what you intend to do. The third outcome takes some effort but many find it to be easier than they anticipated. And the joy of accomplishment is heady stuff! So why do so many fail in their efforts to realize their resolutions? Procrastination is putting off what can – and usually should – be done to an unspecified future date or time. The reasons for it vary, but here are some common ones. 1. An overbearing parent. When children are pushed too hard, they will create excuses about why they “can’t do it right then.” Essentially, this is their subconscious rebelling and pushing back against a pushy parent. If I’m dealing with a child, then counseling the parent becomes necessary, as the parendge need to understand the negative consequences of their actions. Once that’s done, we can develop strategies to get the child to change the way they think, which will in turn lead to a change of behavior. When dealing with adults, the ‘parent’ is really an memory coupled with a conditioned response of procrastination. In other words, the adult has a habit of procrastinating. Habits are usually good things. Essentially, a habit is the subconscious developing automatic responses to routine activities. The subconscious excels at this, which is why we can learn to speak comfortably in front of crowds, drive a car safely, and walk down the sidewalk. But when procrastination interferes with our progress in life, it must be dealt with. 2. Perfectionism. As the old saying goes, “perfection is the enemy of progress”. Often, a person who obsesses about things being “perfect” will either hesitate to start projects or constantly restart things to ensure they’re ‘perfect’ out of the gate. In publishing, the old adage is, make it as good as you can by the deadline. When the deadline hits, whatever you have will go out the door. 3. Fear of Failure. Closely aligned with perfectionism, this has some extra elements. First, notice its two-dimensional nature: win or lose. Second, there is a strong social aspect. Essentially, the fear of failure implies that society/peers/family will judge you as a failure (bad) unless you ‘win’. The best athletes almost universally have changed the way they view success and failure. They expect to make more bad shots than good ones and learn from their mistakes. In other words, they have changed ‘failures’ into learning opportunities. “Every dog has his day” recognizes that we all have ups and downs, including great athletes and every other one on the spectrum. Persistence, patience, and learning from errors is the true pathway to better performance. This truth applies to every endeavor, regardless of whether you’re competing with others or yourself. The ride is a lot more enjoyable too. As my father-in-law used to say, “You can’t enjoy the up’s without the down’s.” People make resolutions because they truly want to improve and use the advent of a new year as a mental marker on a clean slate. Although they might not be aware of which of the above factors is the root cause of their problem, here are the warning signals indicating an upcoming slippery slope. 1. Finding reasons not to get started. Priorities can change. If your house is burning down, you can and should exercise later. But when silly doubts arise, challenge them. Do any of these sound familiar? “I can’t afford it right now.” “I don’t have the time.” “I’m not sure this will work. I don’t want to risk wasting my time, money and energy.” “I can’t do this!” 2. Our ‘get up and go’ got up and went. Honestly, we knew that the goals were not easy but we committed to them because they were important. If our goals were real, the only thing that really altered was the proximity of the change. Change is intimidating, in other words, scary! Strong emotions like fear and anger hijack our logic very quickly. Hypnosis can help here in spades because emotions also are subconscious functions. As a wise man once said, “The past is a cancelled check. The future is a promissory note. The only currency we really have is right now.” So if you feel you’ve failed in realizing your resolutions, fear not: help is at hand! I will help you feel better about yourself and unlock your real potential.
By websitebuilder 28 Mar, 2023
Don’t we all secretly envy our friends who accomplish their resolutions for the new year? Heck, let’s just lay it on the line: We HATE it. We RESENT the embarrassment of not being able to do what they do. And even as we grudgingly put the pen to paper to record our resolutions, part of us is asking, “Why, why, WHY are we setting ourselves up for another humiliation?” That’s a million-dollar question, and it deserves an answer. We do it because we know we need to make a change, and we really to want to. This begs the billion-dollar question: why is living up to our resolutions so dang difficult? So, let’s begin with determining what a resolution is – and isn’t. For most of us, a resolution isn’t even a promise. If we promised our kids a vacation, we’d bust a gut to deliver, rather than disappoint them. In fact, most of us probably wouldn’t even make the promise until the groundwork for delivery had been laid. Nope, we’re talking about intentions here, and other than paving the pathway to Hell, good intentions aren’t good for much. A resolution is much more than that. When we resolve to do something, we are determined. We’re committed. Unfortunately, most of us believe we don’t have enough determination or commitment (and some believe they lack it entirely). And therein lies a big piece of the problem. What you believe – I mean REALLY believe – determines what you accomplish. It’s incredibly hard to make yourself do something you don’t believe you can do. Conversely, people have done some amazing things – often awfully stupid things – just because they believed (Kamikaze pilots and suicide bombers come to mind). Beliefs can build determination and commitment, but this doesn’t work well in reverse. Beliefs are built upon tons of experience and training, reinforced over time and stored in the amazing, invaluable vault known as our subconscious minds. Habits haunt these hallowed halls as well, inextricably intertwined with beliefs. And there’s another cog of the conundrum: determination and resolve, conscious activities, just don’t work well with emotions, habits or beliefs. As soon as your attention is diverted, your old modes come back to mock you. If you had the time, determination, willingness, and resources, you could build new, constructive beliefs and habits. The Marine Corps has been doing this successfully for hundreds of years now and consequently has the highest combat survival rate of any branch of the services. Conversely (some might say perversely), in just 4 to 6 years, colleges and universities do a remarkable job of eradicating eighteen years of carefully cultivated common sense. And at great expense! Wouldn’t it be nice if there was a way to just directly implant new, constructive beliefs and habits into our subconscious minds? How cool would it be to KNOW that we were going to REALLY achieve our goals? Wouldn’t it be great to feel full of the confidence and determination you’ve always wanted? There is. It’s called HYPNOSIS, and in just a few sessions, you’ll be amazed by your advances. And now I’ll toss out the trillion-dollar question: What are you waiting for? Happy Hypnotic Holidays! Jim
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